I can't believe how long it has been since I blogged.  I started using Facebook and Instagram more for my journey and the blog took the back burner.  As of last week I am down 37 pounds from my highest weight.  I thought I would be out of the 300's by now, but I'm not.  I still have 27 pounds to go.  A couple of weeks ago I was diagnosed with PCOS which is polysistic ovary syndrome.  Basically I have cysts on my ovaries and my hormones are out of whack.  The effects of this on me: irregular period, infertility, and slowed weight loss.  The PCOS made me insulin resistant.  I am now on medication to stop my period and for the insulin issue.  I also had a biopsy done the day before Thanksgiving.  They must do this to rule out anything cancer related.  The doctor does not seem to be alarmed, so I am not either.  I really hate how expensive my health has become.  Between trainers, work out classes, co-pays and medication costs.  With Rob being unemployed currently I feel like this is a strain on our family.  I know my health is important, but this is just yet another reason I hope people look at my story and correct their health EARLY!  Do NOT wait until you are over 300 lbs to do something!  It's not just about weight.... It's about health.  GET HEALTHY NOW!!!!!

Boxing

Okay, EVERYONE knows how much I LOVE Fit Energy.  To me, it is the best thing that has happened to my life.  Lori (the owner and trainer) is amazing and helps you not only physically but also mentally.  I still think she provides me with the BEST workout of my life. 

With that said, an item on my "bucket list" has been to try boxing.  Well, guess what?  I DID IT!  I mentioned at work that I wanted to try boxing and someone told me that a couple of people at work went to a place called Schott's Boxing.  I looked into it and decided I wanted to go there.  Several people at work decided to try it too. 

Let me just say, I am HOOKED.  I feel like when I go there I leave all my stress right there in the ring.  It literally lifts weight off of my shoulders. 

People have asked me for advice lately... on what 'works' for me.  It is finding things I like to do and sticking to it.  I finally invested in myself.  Yes, at glance the amount of money I spend a month on Fit Energy and Schott's may seem a little steep when comparing it to people $10 a month gym memberships.  But guess what?  I tried that... It didn't work for me.  If it works for you, GREAT!  If not, don't be afraid to invest in yourself.  Stop eating out.  Stop buying coffee at DD.  Stop going to the grocery store blind.  Stop going to the mall.  USE THAT MONEY TO INVEST IN YOUR HEALTH!  You won't be sorry. 


This picture was taken after boxing class last week.  Note the messy hair!  LOL!  LOVE IT!

Group Effort

So on Thursday, October 24th 9 people joined me at Fit Energy to try it.  I couldn't help but look around and smile.  I still have to pinch myself to believe that people are trying work outs because I inspired them or suggested it to them.  I have a hard time saying "I inspired someone" because it just doesn't seem real.  I am just a person, who had enough, and decided to get healthy... and am LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT!

I am so thankful for those who came out to Fit Energy to try it.  I wish I had taken a group photo that night.  I hope you guys are reading this and know I loved it! 


Hope to see you back there!

Obsessed

I am obsessed with taking pictures of myself now.  Not because I am vain (I am far from that).  I love being able to "prove to myself" that I am changing.  I am determined to NOT obsess over the scale, because it's such a slow process.  Shows like Biggest Loser and Extreme Weight Loss are AWESOME.... but they don't show "real people" results.  We don't see the behind the scenes... the part where people leave their normal lives and work out as a full time job.  They have food available to them that they didn't have to pay for.... that they didn't have to work for.  They have trainers which they didn't have to find or pay for.... it's just NOT REAL LIFE.  But guess what?  My life is real! 

This picture shows me after 75 days of deciding to change my life.  The picture on the left was taken on October 24th.  The middle picture was taken after just two classes at Fit Energy.  The weekend following my start there I went to the beach with my friends.  The picture on the right was taken at the end of The Package Tour (NKOTB) at Niagara Falls.  This shows (left picture) me down 25 pounds from my highest weight.  The highest I saw the scale before I started at Fit Energy was 360.  As of October 26th I am officially 335 pounds.  I still have a long journey ahead of me.  But I am loving it!

 

The picture below shows changes in my face (about a 30 day difference).  The picture on the left was before the Light the Night walk (September 30th) and the picture on the right was from October 26th.  No strange camera angles to try to hide the chins... LOL!  This is me.  And I am getting healthier every day :)

 

 

Thank y'all so much for your kind words on instagram (van8ive) and on Facebook.  I look forward to hearing from all of you and love to hear YOUR STORIES.  We are all in this together!

 

8 Weeks

I can't believe 8 weeks have passed since I started going to Fit Energy.  WOW!  I had my final measurements done on Saturday.  I am officially down NINE INCHES!  Holy smokes!  I can't believe it.  What is even harder for me to wrap my head around is the fact that I am down 3 sizes in pants.  I went through my closet today and got rid of stuff I didn't wear/or didn't fit.  I also took the tags off of many clothes that I wouldn't wear before because I didn't like the way they fit.  Next week will be full of new outfits because I AM DOWN NINE INCHES!  OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Someone pinch me!  Okay, don't really pinch me....

Life has been a little hectic lately.  I just got a 2nd job.  I made sure to find something that still allowed me to work full time, go to school full time and STILL be able to go to Fit Energy.  SCORE!  I am super excited. 

I am also taking a boxing class on Tuesday.  I don't expect that I will be able to keep up with everyone in the class, and I may not be able to do everything that everyone else does... but guess what?  I AM GOING TO TRY ANYWAYS!  It's been something that has been on my "bucket list" for a while... and I feel ready to do it.  I am thankful that a bunch of people from work are going also.  It should be a fun thing!  I will keep you guys posted.

In other news, I had a doctor appointment for October 18th, but the doctor's office called to cancel.  I have been unable to reschedule, but I need to get in soon.  I have some stuff I need/want to talk to the doctor about... so I may be switching primary doctors next week. 

I booked my NKOTB Cruise 2014 and am super excited (hence the reason for the 2nd job).  I find myself even more excited because of my weight loss journey.  Danny (one of the members of the band) is a health nut.  He is also very happy/supportive of people who get healthy.  So I am eager to show him the results of #livinghealthy (his hashtag he uses quite often on Twitter).

Kyle and I have completed a few 5K run/walks over the past few weeks.  I am so happy that he has been running in the 5K's and improving his times.  I don't run (one day I will), but I do enjoy doing them.  We have done the Color Me Rad, Light the Night, Walk/Run for the Cure and have the MS walk coming up.  Kyle also wants to do the Zombie run.  Busy busy busy :)  But I love it.

Well, I have to go.  Taking an extra Fit Energy class tomorrow since I don't have class or work tomorrow.  WOOHOO! 

Thank you again to EACH of you who read this, text me, call me etc etc.... Being very open and public with my journey has kept me 100% honest with myself through this journey.  Thank you for being part of it :)

Timeline

• August 14, 2013:  I weighed 356 lbs.;
• August 20, 2013:  I started going to Fit Energy;
• October 5, 2012:   I weighed in at 336.8

I HAVE LOST 19.2 POUNDS and I am HAPPIER than I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE.  I am doing this for ME.  For the first time I understand what that means.  I am competing against MYSELF.  I don't compare what others can do to what I can do.  I started comparing what I can do as of TODAY October 5, 2013 compared to TRACY of August 14, 2013.  And guess what?????  I am STRONGER, I am LIGHTHER, and I am HAPPIER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


When I started this journey I took a quick before picture.  I didn't want anyone to know I took a picture (hence why it is a dark picture).  I took it myself before bed one night.  Thinking as I took it... "I will never change, I will always be this size..." Little did I know my life was changed from that day forward.  I am going to get Rob to take a better picture of me, so that my next before and after picture will be better.  But HERE IT IS :) 

Not huge changes, but to me this is monumental.  I have never really been one to think "I can do this..." and now I do.  I still don't THINK I can.  I KNOW I CAN :)

The things I have learned over the past 6 weeks....

The number one thing I have learned over the past 6 weeks is that I not only need the time to myself to get healthy; but that I deserve and enjoy it. Excuses are easy. I have a ton of them. I work full time, I go to school full time, I have a child... the list goes on and on. BUT, once you are truly ready, you stop making excuses. Find something you enjoy and DO IT. Honestly, it's life changing! I HATED the gym. I felt like I didn't fit in. I felt like I didn't know what to do. I liked Zumba, but it was to social for me. I found myself laughing and talking more than burning calories (it works GREAT for some, and I still ENJOY it), but then I found a place where I was welcomed and that FITS ME! I know I have said it before, but to anyone who is ready to really make changes and start a fitness/nutrition routine, I strongly suggest Fit Energy! You get a lot of "bang" for your buck! Lori will teach you not only how to get stronger, but a lot about nutrition. It also doesn't end when class is over... she gives your great work outs to do at home. I know this is a long message, but it really does mean that much to me. When I weighed in today; I came out and people CLAPPED for me. They didn't even know what they were celebrating, they just saw Lori give me a hug and they knew something good had happened I LOVE my FIT ENERGY family

Short and Sweet

I do not have much time tonight to blog; but wanted to say hi and check in.  So far I haven't had many bumps in the road.  Last week was a little mentally draining for me... specifically on Thursday.  I weighed in and wasn't down much.... and for the first time since starting this journey in August I felt a little defeated.  Not enough to stop me, but enough to emotionally break me for that specific moment.  I spent most of my work out that morning on the verge of tears.  I couldn't even tell you why. 

Great news is, I am over it.  I got over it quickly, and I am still going strong.  I won't let the scale dictate how I feel.  I actually don't even have a scale in my house anymore.  It's been kind of a blessing. 

I made a doctor appointment for October 18th.  I will spare you details, but it's WAY over due for me to go to the doctor.  My last doctor pissed me off, so I stopped going all together.  Not the best decision on my part, but it is what it is.

This weekend was awesome!  Fit Energy on Saturday morning, Lite the Night Saturday evening and today (Sunday), I started the day with a walk around Peebles Island in Cohoes.  It's such a beautiful place, and it's really a shame I don't get out there more often.  I had planned on going to Zumba today with a friend, but the class we were going to attend was canceled, so we went walking instead.  I am kind of glad now that it worked out that way, because Waterford was having a Farmer's Market and I scored some great deals on some vegetables.  $1 eggplant, say what????? 

Alright folks, I am super sleepy and ready for bed.  I hope everyone has a great week.  I will be posting an update on my weight loss stats according to my next weigh in.  I believe my weigh in days will now be Thursdays (at class), since I don't have the scale in my house any more. 

Thanks again for all your kind words and support.  I am new to instagram, but am starting to post more things there. 

Talk to you all soon!  :)

Victory

Okay, the scale is not going down as fast as I thought it would, but I am celebrating ALL things.  I know this is not a sprint... it is a marathon.  SO, I am not upset.... Here are some things I am HAPPY about this week:

1.  I did tricep dips during my work out with Fit Energy.  Lori said "tricep dips" and I just stood their thinking... "Oh she is going to give me a modification..."  NOPE!  I did them.  They secretly are my favorite, but don't tell Lori! 

2.  I  am not sure what they are called, but I also did "clapping partner pushups..."  LOL!  I am sure they have a technical term... It was the hardest thing I have done to date I think at Fit Energy, but I did them.  :)  They weren't pretty.  But they were done.  I don't have photos of me... so these models from Google images should do just fine.  HA!

 

 

3.  My Pandora bracelet comes off of my wrist without me unhooking it.  SAY WHAT?????  I remember when it used to feel snug.  Wooooo!

 

4.  I completed the Color Me Rad 5K.  I walked the entire thing, but I did finish.

 

5.  I am celebrating the fact that I STILL have not had Stewart's Pumpkin Pie ice cream.  I mean, seriously.  This is something that I wait on all year.  But I just keep telling myself it is sooo  not worth it.  AND IT's NOT!  No way!

Color Me Rad 9/21/13

 

Okay, so the picture is NOT pretty... but it's me.  All of me.  LOL!  We were supposed to start the race at 9 AM like we did last year; but I had signed up for this race before I started working out at Fit Energy.  SOOOO, I went to Fit Energy first, worked out for 1 hour... THEN went to Color Me Rad.  Last year Kyle walked with me, this year he wanted to run.  As much as I wanted a "partner" to walk with, he was truly excited about running, so I told him to go ahead.  He finished in a stunning 29 minutes.  My goal was to come in at under 1 hour (that would be a little less than 20 minutes per mile).  My time according to my Nike app was 1 hour and 1 minute.  Not quite what I wanted, but I do think that the start of the race I was walking a little too slow.  I did speed it up.  My second mile I did in 17 minutes.  My goal next year is to run the entire thing.  I want to finish a 5K in under 40 minutes.  I can do it, just not NOW.  Next year though.  Mark my words.  I WILL BE RUNNING!

 

And here is a picture of my little runner himself .... MR. 29 minute 5K ;)  So proud!

 

Is There a Fire in You?

So every time I leave Fit Energy, I pass a billboard on my way home that says "Is there a fire in you?"  I believe the billboard is trying to recruit volunteer fire fighters... but every time I pass it, I smile.  You know why?  Because for the first time in my 33 years of existence, I KNOW I have a fire in me.  For the first time in my life I am not trying to follow a diet.  I am not going to zumba when someone else goes... I am not walking once a week for 15 minutes and calling it exercise.  I HAVE A FIRE IN ME.

From the first time I stepped into Fit Energy and made it through the first work out... I CHANGED.  I can't explain it to anyone who hasn't had it happen to them, but when the time is right and everything has fallen into place, you just know. No one can make you ready.  No one can guilt you into being ready.  No one can explain to you enough to make you ready.  No one can force you to be ready.  YOU have to decide for yourself that enough is enough and you don't have to live that way any longer. 

I always thought that getting healthy would be impossible.  I thought it was something that other people did.  I have plenty of friends who have lost weight.  I have had friends lose a TREMENDOUS amount of weight... but that was them not ME!  I thought I would have to sacrifice all foods I liked and eat the most disgusting things ever.  GUESS WHAT?  I don't!  THANK GOD!  But that is why I failed before.  For one I was not ready.  Mentally I just wasn't there.  I wasn't committed to anything.  I would stumble one time and give up.  And secondly, I tried to eat things I didn't like.  I tried fad diets that others tried.  I tried hiding what I ate, I tried showing what I ate,  I tried eating less, I tried eating more, I tried eating meat, I tried not eating meat.  I TRIED.  But I was not ready.  NOT READY I tell you. 

Now, I am ready!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I HAVE A FIRE IN ME!  I will not stop.  Ever.  Not even when I am 130 lbs.  I will not stop.  Because what I am doing now is being healthy.  It has nothing to do with weight.  I mean, yes, I need to lose weight and I celebrate when I do lose weight... but this is about being healthy.  Not just in food, but in every day life.  It's about drinking water and not adding sugar to it.  It's about eating a vegetable and really tasting it instead of putting salt on it.  It's about loving myself.  No matter who else does!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


Do you have a fire in you??????????  When you are ready to commit to changing your LIFE, you will do it.  Just watch out... because once you decide to make that change... it is the best and most rewarding feeling of your life.  

Friday, Septemeber 13, 2013

Friday was a weigh in day and I forgot to post on here :(

I weighed in at 342.4.  That means I am down 2.8 pounds this week and a total of 13.6 since I started this journey.  I am OH SO HAPPY about that.  I am eager to see the changes in the coming weeks because I am now on a food plan with 1300 calories and no packaged foods.  Basically a clean diet.  I still have my occasional things not on plan (like pumpkin dip), but I have a very small portion and it curbs me from eating a pint of pumpkin pie ice cream at Stewart's. 

So far this meal plan thing has been awesome.  I eat a lot of veggies... about three portions of fruit a day and lean meat.  I also have a some grains mixed in too.  I have been planning my meals in advance for a while, but now I am 110% focused on doing it.  Rob has been a huge help and helps me measure things.  We even went and bought new measuring cups and new food storage containers.  Kyle is in on the mix too and we will be packing his lunches.  He helps with washing the fruits and veggies.  It's become a family thing and I LOVE IT! 


Stay tuned!

Nail Polish... Blessings :)

So I am unofficially one pound away from my first "reward."  If you have been reading you know that I said once I am in my 330's I will reward myself with a new nail polish color.  I am in dire need, as most of my colors are drying out and almost gone.   

Yesterday I came upon some mail that one of my best friends in the world had sent to me.  Not only had she sent me a NKOTB calendar that she made with all my pictures from over the summer, but she also sent me some Special K codes.  These codes were enough to get a nail polish for FREE :)  So yesterday, Rob and I went through the codes and ordered my nail polish.  SCORE!  How fun would it be if it shows up at my door on a Friday after weigh in!  :)  WOO!

I wanted to take this chance though to speak about that friend.  Some of you know her, some of you don't.... her name is Heather Dogan.  She has been one of my biggest inspirations not only through this journey but in life.  She has proved to me what it is to be a true friend and she has NEVER turned her back on me, or let the distance the miles are between us hamper our friendship.  She has been to visit me, sends me mail, calls me, texts me, emails me... you name it!  Most importantly though, she has encouraged me FOR YEARS on weight loss. Not in a negative way, in a very positive "you can do this" way.  And guess what?  She did it herself.  She has lost a LOT of weight.  She really has.  I won't post numbers here because that's for her to decide who she wants to share those details with.  But I can tell you she is amazing.  I did a little research and found her testimony on the website of where she trains, One More Set.  Check it out:  http://1moreset.snappages.com/heather-dogan

She has supported me and encouraged me more than I can tell you.  She even wanted me to call her after my first class at 6 AM!  Words will never be able to express how much her journey has shown me that I can do it.  For those of you in the Roanoke area, you should check out 1 More Set.  I have heard nothing but great things, and although I have never met the owner, Roy... I feel like I know him!  I feel like he is a long lost brother!  I promised Heather that next time I come to Roanoke I will go to class with her. 

One of the best things Heather has said to me is that she can hear the joy in my voice when I talk about Fit Energy.  She said Lori is my Roy :) 

Heather, if you read this... just know that you have changed so many people.  You give people hope and you have done an AMAZING job on your journey!  I am also so proud of you for giving up sweet tea and not having waffle fries from Chic-Fil-A  :)  Love you!

Meal Plan

So I hate hate hate the word diet.  I despise it.  Change the way you eat... but don't diet.  Make changes to your lifestyle... but don't diet.  Your food is your diet.  You aren't ON a diet.

I had already changed the way I was eating, but I so wanted to soak in everything that Lori says.  She talked to me on the phone a bit about cleaning up my diet.  No processed foods.  No added sugars.  You get the idea.  I started thinking about it.  I was like "WHY NOT?"  Seriously, why not???  I like fruits and veggies.... I  like chicken, I like fish, I like ..... pretty much everything! 

So she sent me a meal plan and I went straight to the grocery store that night.  Kyle helped me cut up and wash all the fruits and veggies and portion them out.  We bought thin boneless, skinless chicken breast and broke those down into 3 oz. portions. 

I planned my food for the next day.  I felt so accomplished and LOVED that Kyle helped so much.  He told me he loved to help with that stuff (note to self... keep this kid around for as long as possible.... he may have to skip college and just stay home and help me with this task)!

So my plan for the day was:

7:30 AM: Apple, Egg whites (4), half of a whole wheat pita, fresh spinach, 20 oz water

 10:00 AM: String cheese, 20 oz water

 12:00 PM: Apple, 3 oz. baked boneless skinless chicken breast, 1/2 small roasted potato, 2/3 cup steamed broccoli 20 oz water

 3:00 PM: Non fat cherry yogurt, 20 oz water

 6:00 PM: grapes/strawberries 20 oz water

 8:00 PM (I have class): Apple, baked cod, roasted brussel sprouts, cooked carrots, 20 oz water





I got up and made my egg whites and spinach and put them in a half pita.  All the eggs wouldn't fit so I put the rest in a tupperwear container.  I ate the apple, drank my water and ate my pita.  I ate a few more bites of the egg that was left over but was VERY full.

Late in the morning I ate a piece of string cheese and drank more water.

At lunch I had my apple and water... then my chicken, a little broccoli and a little bit of potatoes.  Couldn't finish it all because I was so full.  But not a miserable I just ate too much pizza full.  THANK GOD.  That is the WORST feeling in the world.  UGH!

I did have a popsicle that someone at work gave me.  It had 14 grams of sugar in it (the same as my yogurt would have). 

On the way to class I drank more water and during class I ate my grapes and strawberries.

When I got home Rob had the fish ready to go in the oven.  After he put it in the oven I said, "What about the brussel sprouts?"  So we opted to skip those since they would take longer than the fish.  So I quickly put a sweet potato in the microwave and sautéed some spinach and mushrooms with garlic.  YUM!  I have NEVER in my life had a plain sweet potato!  IT WAS THE BEST THING EVER!  I didn't eat it all, I saved some for lunch tomorrow.  Before dinner was ready I ate an apple and drank some water. 

It's now almost 8 PM and I haven't been this happy in some time.  Although I ate the popsicle thing at work... that was the only thing I varied.  I am full.  I am satisfied.  But I don't feel yucky.  Can you imagine what a life time of eating like this would feel like? 

I have decided when I get down to 299 lbs I am going to buy myself this Alex and Ani bracelet that says "Today is an Opportunity" or the one that says "This is a Marathon not a Sprint."  I love them both and think they symbolize this "journey" so well.

I thank each of you that read this blog, text me, call me, comment on FB, email me etc.  Your words of encouragement and support have been amazing.  To hear people say I inspire them is the strangest thing in the world.  I love to hear your thoughts, comments and words of encouragement.  YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!

Fly 92.3 .... Fly Morning Rush

 

 

I won NKOTB tickets from Fly 92.3 this summer.  From that point it kind of turned into a fun thing that I shared with the Fly Morning Rush (Brian and Chrissy).  I would post on Facebook my New Kids ventures and tag them.  I would keep them posted on my journey across the country following the best band in the world :) 

 

Included with my NKOTB tickets was a chance to win a 2 year lease on a Jeep Wrangler from Lia Jeep.  Today was the day I found out if I won or not.  I prayed this morning that the person who needed the Jeep most won.  Obviously that was not me, because I did not win!  I am totally OK with that.  I think the person who won must have needed it worse than me. 

 

More importantly than the Jeep though, I introduced myself to Chrissy.  She was SO sweet to me.  She said OMG Tracy Canaday!  LOL!  I must admit I was a little star struck.  I have listened to Brian and Chrissy since I moved here.  When I first moved here I didn't know a single person here.  So I listened to the radio a LOT.  Chrissy immediately took me to meet Brian.  He gave me high five and called me the fitness queen!  How freakin' awesome is that.  It has amazed me that in only 3.5 weeks people are really supporting me.  THIS IS AWESOME! 

 

I can't thank EVERYONE enough for the support, kind words and faith that you have in me. 

 

Chrissy and Brian are class acts.  I absolutely love them!  They gave me an even extra boost to stay on this journey. 

 

THANK YOU ALL!  XOXO

The Girl in the Mirror

 

This made me laugh so hard today :) 

 

 

So today when I got to Fit Energy, Lori asked if she could take a picture of me doing a modified push up.  Of course I said yes.  It's funny how lately, I want to share with people the honest truth of my journey.  I am not hiding the fact that I am trying to lose weight, or what I am doing to achieve my goals.

 

What I will say is that it has not always been this way.  Honestly, I have been over weight my entire life.  Well, unless you count when I was born.  I was born premature and weighed less than 5 lbs.  By the time I was six months old, I was on a "diet."  It's actually quite entertaining to see my newborn pictures and then my 6 month old pictures. 

 

Anyways, I never realized I was "fat."  Seriously.  I remember being little and my grandpa telling me I didn't need to eat an ice cream cone.  I remember crying.  I also remember thinking to myself that he was just "mean."  I also remember being bigger than the other kids in elementary school.  But, I was always surrounded by people who cared about me.  I always had a ton of friends.  Thank GOD!

 

By middle school when people started to really have boyfriends and girlfriends, I remember feeling a little left out, but not much.  I just thought I was a "good girl."  Plus, again I had a ton of friends and never felt out of place. 

 

Then came high school.  I went to a small high school and pretty much everyone liked everyone.  I do remember a few girls and a few guys (some of which I had crushes on), making fun of my weight.  Normally it was not in front of me.  I got a few letters in my locker from a girl and her friends and the only attacking thing they could say to me was about my weight.  Honestly looking back, it makes me laugh.  It's the ONLY thing they had to say negative about me.  Really?  "You're Fat..."  Duh, like I don't know????  But wait.... I didn't realize it.  Seriously, I mean this. 

 

When I would look in the mirror, I didn't see what others saw at all.  The only time I would see it was when I would see a picture of myself.  When I looked in the mirror, I would see a "normal" person.  It's so strange to me that I had these blinders on for so long.  I think of people who have eating disorders who, when they look in the mirror see a fat person when they truly are severely underweight, I guess I have the opposite issue :) 

 

Now I have a realistic view of the reflection in the mirror.  I love myself.  Not only for who I am, but for who I am becoming.  It's not about what others think.  It's about what I think, and how I feel.  Period.

Kirstie Alley #90Rock

So, most of you know Kirstie Alley has tweeted me a few times.  It all started over NKOTB (imagine that).  I entered a contest to win NKOTB tickets, and she tweeted for people to vote for me :) (It must have worked, because I WON).   But since then, I have followed her on Twitter.  She started a new challenge around the same time I decided to do something and get healthier.  Her "challenge" was called #90rock. 

I have tweeted her every time I weighed in, and both times she has tweeted me back :)  She truly is such an inspiration!  She know exactly what it feels like to have an issue with weight.  It also helps that she is best friends with my favorite member of New Kids on the Block (Jon). 

Anyways, just wanted to share.  :)

Ready Set GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I logged on to post today and the blog has had over 450 views!  WHAT??????  Who knew people wanted to hear me talk about this journey.  Surely not me! 

My next short term goal is to get into the  330's.  I was at 347 last Friday when I weighed in.  That means my goal is to lose 7 pounds to hit this goal.  I am not giving it a time limit (I don't want to set myself up for failure); but I wanted to have a small goal to look forward to.  Sometimes looking at the big picture is overwhelming.   When I get to the 330's I will celebrate by buying myself a new pretty shade of fingernail polish.  I know it's something silly, but I thought that would allow me to think of the goals I am accomplishing every time I wear that color.

Since I started this journey in August, I have packed my breakfast, lunch and sometimes dinner every day.  I believe one time I did eat out, but it was planned and I was prepared.  Now, I can say that it is a habit to pack everything the night before (or have Rob pack it).  It makes life so much better and easier. 

Today was a little bump in the road.  I over slept and missed my Fit Energy class.  I was not happy when I rolled over at 6:30 to see that I had missed it.  No excuses, but I think I really was just worn out.  I wound up working on Monday (Labor Day), having class Monday night and then working 8am-9pm Tuesday; Wednesday came along and I had to work then go straight to class.  THEN I had homework that was due in my one online class by midnight.  So I was up late, and just worn out. 

NO EXCUSES.  I missed my work out.  I woke up not happy.  I woke up sad that I had missed it and disappointed in myself.  What can I do to fix that?  Go home after work and work my ass off doing my 14 Day Challenge homework and my Fit Energy homework.  Got to get it done.

I also am sending my food journal to Lori (Fit Energy Trainer) for her review.  I am eager to get feedback from her and see where improvements can be made.  It will be nice to see what she thinks.  I know I am still not making 100% the best choices all the time, but what I will say is that I am happier in general than I have been in a LONG time.  It's hard to admit that your weight bothered you.  I have ALWAYS been the girl who got along with everyone, laughed with everyone, was surrounded by friends, went out, etc.... but deeply inside I am a different person WAITING to come out. 
I want to do things like: zip lines, sky diving, hiking, running, kayaking, obstacle courses, mud runs, color runs, sit ups, push ups, pull ups, planks, box jumps, climbing ropes, jumping rope, trampoline jumping, bungee jumping, para sailing, hang gliding, ride roller coasters........ You get the picture right?

I don't have a bucket list.  I have a FIT LIST :)

It's time to be the ME I want to be.  The ME I have ALWAYS been buried deep inside this out of shape, overweight body.  Done. Done. Done with the old me!


 Ready... Set... Go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tasty Treat Tuesday

I had a realllllly bad day today at work, but I still wanted to post.  So today will be "Tasty Treat Tuesday" although technically it's Wednesday already. ;)


This past week my favorite healthy meal I had was today!  For lunch I had sautéed spinach, garlic, tomatoes and black beans on a flax wrap with some Sara Lee turkey breast!  So so simple but so so good!

Sometimes I just stand in the kitchen, look at what fresh veggies I have and just throw them together with some garlic.  Always turns out great :)

Confession Monday

I asked myself tonight how I am able to put everything out there right now, and I realized that I am in this for life.  No more pretending that I am happy the way I am; no more acting like my weight doesn't bother me; no more lies.  Let me point out, I love WHO I am, I just want to become a healthier me!!!  With that said, I have some confessions!  I think I will have "Confession Mondays" every Monday... This could be fun ;)

1.  Until this past year, I had never flown.  This year I had the opportunity to go on a NKOTB cruise and one huge stipulation was I had to fly.  I literally cried over this.  Until this point in my life I had gotten by with saying, "oh I don't fly because I'm deathly afraid..." Well, that was not necessarily true.  I wasn't afraid of flying.  Sure it made me a little nervous, but the truth of the matter was I was terrified I wouldn't be able to fly.  By that I mean, will my FAT ASS fit????  I had heard soooooo many stories if how cramped it was and how, what I refer too as "normal people" even complained about the small amount of room.  Well crap.... Where does that leave me?!?!?!?  I had visions and nightmares of being asked to exit the plane  because someone complained about the fat girl taking up to much room.  Ugh.  How mortified would I be?!?!   I did a LOT of research on flights, extra seats, and rules for "people of size."  I found the measurements for my potential seats and measured my ass.  Yep, measured it.  All while still pretending to be afraid.

I settled on Southwest for several reasons:

1. They have a person of size policy; I could buy two seats and get my money back for the second seat after the flight.
2. They had a direct flight close to my destination.  That would alleviate me having to figure out if I would fit on two separate planes.

Tickets booked!

I watched every YouTube video I could find that showed people flying Southwest.  I cried.  I panicked.  I was alone.  Just keep in mind, I never told people what I was truly afraid of.  Ever.  Until now.


Thankfully, I was able to become friends with two wonderful ladies who were flying out on the same flight!!!  Southwest gives you this nice little paper ticket to place on your extra seat... Thankfully it just says "reserved"... I had convinced myself it would say, "fatty mcfatty here needs two seats..."  Thankfully I was able to put my "Fatty McFatty" er I mean"reserved sign between me and my new friend Karen.  It was much easier doing this bc I had someone with me.  Thank GOD!

Okay, I'm on the plane.  I'm in my seat.  I have my extra seat.  Guess what comes next????  The effin' seatbelt..... FEAR NUMBER TWO OF FLYING.  And my fear came true.  It didn't fit.  Not even close.  I had watched videos of this too.  One YouTube video showed a lady trying to buckle and someone was videoing her, unbeknownst to the lady :(.  There was no easy way to flag the flight attendant down.  Ugh.  But alas, I got an extender and the world was better.  The flight was perfect after that!  Thank GOD for Nikki and Karen.  I never told them my true fears.. Until now.

The flight home I was alone.  It did NOT go as smoothly.  First of all they didn't give me my extra seat... Their fix to this problem... They let me board FIRST with all the wheelchair passengers.  Eff me!  People were looking at me like WHATTTT?  It was a full flight too, and I didn't have the friend buffer ... So everyone stopped and asked if my reserved seat was taken.  I'm like duh????  Can't you read?  Like all the normal people are supposed to know Southwests Person of Size Policy.  Duh.  ;)

That's ok, I pretended on that flight home that I was the air marshall and that MUST be what others were thinking ( that's what I told myself).

So folks, there it is.  Confession #1.  I feel better already ;)

14 Day Challenge

Feathers to Gold Challenge

I entered a challenge through a "friend" I made on MyFitnessPal.com.  She posts a work out every day and challenges you... and you earn points for different things (all health related). 

I did the first work out tonight instead of my homework from Fit Energy.  I figured most days I will do both, but today I did not do my homework from Fit Energy.  My body was tired today.  Very tired.  Not making an excuse, I still got in my Feathers to Gold activity... and tomorrow I have Fit Energy class plus my challenge to do :).  I am trying hard to find balance in all I do.  Now with school starting back up, and work being extra stressful... I just need to find the balance in it all.  My health is number one right now though, and for the first time I feel so great about it!

As I type this Rob is in the kitchen counting out my portion of almonds to add to my oatmeal for breakfast tomorrow :)  I love that he is helping me through this.  Tonight he actually told me he was proud of me.  When I did my challenge work out tonight I told him, "Don't laugh at me..." and he said "I would not laugh at you, I am proud of you!"  Talk about a great feeling :)


I also am so surprised by the comments I have received on Facebook, the texts I received on my phone and the compliments I have received in person.  You guys are the best.  I am so thankful that I am surrounded by people who love me enough to see this is something I have to do!  XOXO

Fit Energy is my fitness savior

Words cannot express how much I owe to Lori at Fit Energy.  I get emotional when I think about in only FIVE classes someone can change your life.  Every class Lori pushes me without being forceful.  She makes sure I am doing things in a way that I won't hurt myself... More importantly she never makes me feel like I don't belong.  She actually does the opposite!  I feel like these strangers are behind me 110%!!!!!  It is so refreshing!!!!

First weigh in

I decided that Friday is the day I will weigh myself each week.  Guess what????  I am down 9lbs!!!!! More than that though, I feel awesome!

My schedule is crazy!!!  But THIS class is part of my schedule now!  Here is what my schedule looks like:

Monday:  Work:  8:30-4:00
                 School:  4:30-9:00

Tuesday:   FIT ENERGY:  6:00-7:00
                  Work: 830-6:30

Wednesday:  Work:  8:30-4:00
                     School:  4:30-9:00

Thursday:   FIT ENERGY:  6:00-7:00
                    Work: 830-6:30

Friday:    Work:  8:30-6:30

That is my schedule.  Everything else that I want and need to do HAVE to be done at other times.  Period.  That includes:  time with family, time with friends, homework, and FUN TIME.


My point is ... If you want something and when you are truly ready you make it work.

I have a lot of excuses to not follow through on this journey... But now it is my time.  I know it in my heart.  Thank you to all of those who are behind me !!!

Emotional Break

In the past two weeks I have cried several times.  Not sad tears.  Proud tears.  Thankful tears.  Hopeful tears. So much emotion.  For the first time in my life I absolutely feel in control of my own life.  I'm not doing this for anyone else.  This is all for me and I DESERVE IT.  I have been an awesome mom, a great girlfriend, a good friend.. But I have NOT been good to myself.  NOW IS THE TIME :)

How it all started...

8.13.13

I was robotically browsing Facebook while sitting on my couch when I came across a sponsored post for a place called Fit Energy.  The post said it was for all fitness levels.  I was skeptical, because when people typically say "all" fitness types, it does not include those who weigh as much as I do.  For the record this is the first time I am publicly posting my weight (aside from myfitnesspal.com).  Anyways, I decided to email to get more information... I started it with... "I weigh around 340 lbs."  I did not want to give this person on the other end of the email a false sense of who could possibly be taking this class.
I played phone tag a little with the owner of Fit Energy... We finally spoke and I told her I would like to sign up for the 3days a week option.   She spoke to me a bit about my previous history with working out and food... And I was feeling pretty good, but VERY nervous!!!  Not only was I walking into a class that was completely foreign to me, but she was going to weigh me and take my measurements!!!!!!!  OMG, WHAT am I thinking????
Fast forward to 8.20.13.  I woke up at 4:30 am, got dressed... Almost had a panic attack and headed to the studio.  Of course I got there before they opened.  Once they opened I walked in and met Lori.  Someone else got their measurements first.... And THEN it was my turn.  I have never in my life been so embarrassed and scared... But I tried to fake it.  I went into the back... And my first road block... The scale doesn't go over 300 lbs.  guess who is over 300 lbs?  This girl.  Sigh.  Thank God Lori totally made me feel ok.  I told her my scale is able to calculate my weight.  She didn't ask me say the number she just looked at my paperwork.  In all its glory... There it was:  357 lbs.  Holy $hit!!!!!!!!!!!  Again, thank God Lori was so awesome.  Never once did I feel shamed.  She took the rest of my measurements and then I went back into the studio to prepare for the class to start.  Lori told me before class started some modifications I could do.
6:00 am:  class starts... Lori said "let's start with some jumping jacks...."  Thank you dear Lord Jesus for modification jumping jacks... A girl at 300+ pounds really can't do a jumping jack without getting hurt.  Trust me.  Things move at that weight that on most people don't.  I'll leave that mental note with all of you.  You are welcome :)

The first "station" on this circuit training that I did was box jumps .... I've seen this in TV.  I of course did a modified version.  I just simply had to step onto the box.  And with that my journey started!

The class ended with my sweaty body HUGGING the trainer!  Yep, that's me; the southern girl who ran up (ok let's be real... I walked) to the trainer and hugged her!

I went to my car and cried on the way home.  I did it.  I SURVIVED.  I can do this.  I can do this. I can do this.