The Girl in the Mirror

 

This made me laugh so hard today :) 

 

 

So today when I got to Fit Energy, Lori asked if she could take a picture of me doing a modified push up.  Of course I said yes.  It's funny how lately, I want to share with people the honest truth of my journey.  I am not hiding the fact that I am trying to lose weight, or what I am doing to achieve my goals.

 

What I will say is that it has not always been this way.  Honestly, I have been over weight my entire life.  Well, unless you count when I was born.  I was born premature and weighed less than 5 lbs.  By the time I was six months old, I was on a "diet."  It's actually quite entertaining to see my newborn pictures and then my 6 month old pictures. 

 

Anyways, I never realized I was "fat."  Seriously.  I remember being little and my grandpa telling me I didn't need to eat an ice cream cone.  I remember crying.  I also remember thinking to myself that he was just "mean."  I also remember being bigger than the other kids in elementary school.  But, I was always surrounded by people who cared about me.  I always had a ton of friends.  Thank GOD!

 

By middle school when people started to really have boyfriends and girlfriends, I remember feeling a little left out, but not much.  I just thought I was a "good girl."  Plus, again I had a ton of friends and never felt out of place. 

 

Then came high school.  I went to a small high school and pretty much everyone liked everyone.  I do remember a few girls and a few guys (some of which I had crushes on), making fun of my weight.  Normally it was not in front of me.  I got a few letters in my locker from a girl and her friends and the only attacking thing they could say to me was about my weight.  Honestly looking back, it makes me laugh.  It's the ONLY thing they had to say negative about me.  Really?  "You're Fat..."  Duh, like I don't know????  But wait.... I didn't realize it.  Seriously, I mean this. 

 

When I would look in the mirror, I didn't see what others saw at all.  The only time I would see it was when I would see a picture of myself.  When I looked in the mirror, I would see a "normal" person.  It's so strange to me that I had these blinders on for so long.  I think of people who have eating disorders who, when they look in the mirror see a fat person when they truly are severely underweight, I guess I have the opposite issue :) 

 

Now I have a realistic view of the reflection in the mirror.  I love myself.  Not only for who I am, but for who I am becoming.  It's not about what others think.  It's about what I think, and how I feel.  Period.