Confession Monday

I asked myself tonight how I am able to put everything out there right now, and I realized that I am in this for life.  No more pretending that I am happy the way I am; no more acting like my weight doesn't bother me; no more lies.  Let me point out, I love WHO I am, I just want to become a healthier me!!!  With that said, I have some confessions!  I think I will have "Confession Mondays" every Monday... This could be fun ;)

1.  Until this past year, I had never flown.  This year I had the opportunity to go on a NKOTB cruise and one huge stipulation was I had to fly.  I literally cried over this.  Until this point in my life I had gotten by with saying, "oh I don't fly because I'm deathly afraid..." Well, that was not necessarily true.  I wasn't afraid of flying.  Sure it made me a little nervous, but the truth of the matter was I was terrified I wouldn't be able to fly.  By that I mean, will my FAT ASS fit????  I had heard soooooo many stories if how cramped it was and how, what I refer too as "normal people" even complained about the small amount of room.  Well crap.... Where does that leave me?!?!?!?  I had visions and nightmares of being asked to exit the plane  because someone complained about the fat girl taking up to much room.  Ugh.  How mortified would I be?!?!   I did a LOT of research on flights, extra seats, and rules for "people of size."  I found the measurements for my potential seats and measured my ass.  Yep, measured it.  All while still pretending to be afraid.

I settled on Southwest for several reasons:

1. They have a person of size policy; I could buy two seats and get my money back for the second seat after the flight.
2. They had a direct flight close to my destination.  That would alleviate me having to figure out if I would fit on two separate planes.

Tickets booked!

I watched every YouTube video I could find that showed people flying Southwest.  I cried.  I panicked.  I was alone.  Just keep in mind, I never told people what I was truly afraid of.  Ever.  Until now.


Thankfully, I was able to become friends with two wonderful ladies who were flying out on the same flight!!!  Southwest gives you this nice little paper ticket to place on your extra seat... Thankfully it just says "reserved"... I had convinced myself it would say, "fatty mcfatty here needs two seats..."  Thankfully I was able to put my "Fatty McFatty" er I mean"reserved sign between me and my new friend Karen.  It was much easier doing this bc I had someone with me.  Thank GOD!

Okay, I'm on the plane.  I'm in my seat.  I have my extra seat.  Guess what comes next????  The effin' seatbelt..... FEAR NUMBER TWO OF FLYING.  And my fear came true.  It didn't fit.  Not even close.  I had watched videos of this too.  One YouTube video showed a lady trying to buckle and someone was videoing her, unbeknownst to the lady :(.  There was no easy way to flag the flight attendant down.  Ugh.  But alas, I got an extender and the world was better.  The flight was perfect after that!  Thank GOD for Nikki and Karen.  I never told them my true fears.. Until now.

The flight home I was alone.  It did NOT go as smoothly.  First of all they didn't give me my extra seat... Their fix to this problem... They let me board FIRST with all the wheelchair passengers.  Eff me!  People were looking at me like WHATTTT?  It was a full flight too, and I didn't have the friend buffer ... So everyone stopped and asked if my reserved seat was taken.  I'm like duh????  Can't you read?  Like all the normal people are supposed to know Southwests Person of Size Policy.  Duh.  ;)

That's ok, I pretended on that flight home that I was the air marshall and that MUST be what others were thinking ( that's what I told myself).

So folks, there it is.  Confession #1.  I feel better already ;)