#100PoundsIAmComingForYou

In the past two weeks I am down 12 pounds.  Last week, I was down the 12 pounds; so technically this week I did not lose any weight. 

I am NOT upset about this at all.  I gave it my all this week.  I worked out 1-2 times a day and took one rest day.  I ate pretty close to plan.  The only variances were:

• I had a holiday party for work on Friday where I had Chicken Parmesan
• Friday night Rob and I went out on a date and I had Indian food and chocolate
• I ate two sandwiches during the week 
• I ate a bagel 
• I ate a breakfast sandwich from McDonalds
• I did not drink enough water at all this week

With all of those added up, I believe that is why I didn't lose any weight this week. 

So, with that said, this week I am going to follow the meal plan Chad gave me months ago.  I am going to eat 6 meals a day and I am going to measure everything.  I will update this blog every Sunday with the results. 

The past two weeks have been awesome.  I am feeling better than I have in a long time.  I am balancing my strength training workouts with a good amount of cardio -- and it feels AWESOME!  I have made better food choices, but slowly got off track this week. 

Now, off to meal prep.  Will post pictures later! 

PS.  Thank you to all the SETS girls (and guys) who are prepping for competition.  You ALL inspire me SO VERY much.  Your dedication is more inspiring than words can express.  I am thankful to be surrounded by you all. 

Team Tight Pants

I joke that I am Team Tight Pants, because that is how I feel lately.  The gym part for me has really become part of a lifestyle, and recently I started training with Chad.  Lately I have found myself skipping workouts.  I can find excuses... that part is easy.  I am tired.  It's far away.  I need to get to work early.  It's dark.  It's cold.  I need sleep.  I am sore.  But guess what?  At the end of the day, those excuses are what are leading me to poor choices. 

When I signed up with Chad to have him train me, it was because I was looking for specific results.  I wanted to get stronger.  I wanted to lift weights and see the improvements in the weights I am able to lift. I have seen others with amazing results and I know the workouts Chad offers are exactly what I wanted to do.

The truth is I keep making excuses for everything.  When it comes to my workouts if I really wanted to make it a priority, I could go in earlier.  He is at the gym at 5am.  But when my alarm goes off at 4am, I literally want to cry.  I talk myself into going back to sleep and going to the gym later.  Then I go in at 7 and am not done until 8 which leaves no time for cardio.  EXCUSES.  That is all it is. 

I see other ladies (especially at SETS) that have WAY more responsibility that I do; but they are still committed to the gym and make it work.  These women look amazing.  We may not have the same goals, but I can say one of my goals is to find the commitment they have.  Not only to the gym but to the nutrition side.  I love to hear them talk about how hard it is for them to stick to the meal plan, because then I realize it is HARD.  But that doesn't mean it cannot be done.  I think often I think I am the only one who find it difficult to not eat pizza... or cheese.... or sugar.... but I am not that special.  These girls STRUGGLE... but they do it.  They fight the urges and it shows. 

I love SETS and love that I am surrounded by people that show me it can me done.  They are average people just like me.  They do not have any more or less excuses than I do... the difference is they are committed. 

So for me, I am making a commitment for one week.  Sometimes the big picture overwhelms me.  I have to break it down to small realistic, tangible goals.  So from Sunday to Sunday of this week I am committed.  What is that going to look like?????

Sunday:  Vent (Strike and Legs)
Monday:  SETS 7am for Weights and 8am for cardio
Tuesday: Vent 530am Stabalize and 6am Strike
Wednesday: SETS at 615 am for cardio and 7 am for weights
Thursday: REST
Friday: SETS at 615 am for cardio and 7am for weights
Saturday: REST
Sunday: SETS leg day

This is also going to look like a lot of chicken, fish, vegetables and eggs and WATER.  My water intake has been so not on point lately.

My focus is going to be on how much better I feel when I stick to the "plan."  It's going to be how much better my clothes feel when I know that I am doing all that I can. 

Please know, I love myself.  I love myself regardless of how on point I am in this lifestyle change.  But I know that I am happier when I am making healthy choices and when I have goals that I meet. 

The following week I will have to figure out a way to incorporate more boxing related activities into my schedule.  Hitting a heavy bag is one of my favorite activities.  I refuse to give that up.   I love the boxing type classes Vent offers, it's just difficult to fit them into my schedule.  The Vent location that offers my absolutely favorite boxing class is just too far away for me to get to on a regular basis after work.  And since I never get to sleep in, making the one morning class on Saturday at 7am is difficult.  I am thankful I can still get to strike every once in a while.  I am keeping my fingers crossed that Vent will offer a Tuesday or Thursday morning boxing boot camp class one day! 

Over the past two years, I have continued to challenge myself.  Fit Energy was my starting point.  I can't believe looking back, that I was nervous to take that first class.  I get teary eyed just thinking of how different I felt back then compared to now.  Then I went on to Vent because they offered Focus Master.  What I found at Vent was an amazing support group and great programs to boost my confidence and stamina.  Then I felt like to be completely rounded at the gym I needed to learn how to feel comfortable lifting weights.  Truth be told, that is the one part that I wanted to be successful at more than anything.  I still remember the man's face at Vent that gave me a hard time in the weight section of the gym.  One day, I will go back to the weight section there and show him how strong I really am.  I am so thankful for the new challenges SETS has brought to my life.  Now it's time for me to step up and take advantage of all that is in front of me. 

Doctor Update

I have talked a bit before about how I see a specialist for my PCOS diagnosis.  I actually really like going to this doctor, because for the first time I feel like I have someone who listens to what I am saying and how I am feeling.  I typically refer to this doctor as my "weight loss doctor."  This doctor could prescribe me weight loss medication as well as schedule a weight loss surgery if desired.  I do not desire either of those things.  I think the doctor is still shocked each time they discuss weight loss options with me and I decline.  They are happy that I do not want those things, but at times they fear I am going to get frustrated with my slow results and "give up."  I have assured them that will not happen.

I had missed seeing this doctor for a few months because I had a change in my insurance.  I also knew that the number on the scale had increased.  Until this week, I had always been down in weight each time I checked in there.  That was not the case this past week.

I weighed in with my doctor Friday and I was officially up 26 pound from my last weigh in.  I immediately started to cry.  Although I had been working pretty hard at the gym, I knew that my food had not been consistent for some time.  The doctor came in to talk to me and didn't even mention the 26 pounds until I started to cry.  He told me that although the number on the scale was up significantly, he said my fat percentage and measurements had not changed.  He asked me what I changed in my workouts .  I told the doctor that I recently started weight training.  My doctor told me that he didn't want me to think that food had not played a factor in the numbers on the scale; but he assured me that if I got back on track with my food that I should see phenomenal results.

I am still not thrilled with what the scale said.  I am still mad at myself, but the only thing I can do is move forward.  I am lucky enough to be surrounded by people who help me in so many ways on this journey.  I have really bad days.  I have really good days. Through all of them I have the best people around me to celebrate the good and kick my butt when I need it on the bad.  I need real people in my life.  The honesty that my trainer Chad gives and expects from me is something that I know is special.  He truly gets that I have an issue that I need to work through and is probably the biggest reason I know that I will conquer this.  Not only am I doing things at the gym now that I really want to do (weight lifting), he really has me checking myself mentally. 

Food issues are no joke.  Eating disorders are not only suffered by those who are thin.  I have an issue that I need to get to the bottom of.  I am working on it, but trust me when I say it is a work in progress.  Being open about this part of my life scares the shit out of me.  I do not know the underlying reasons that I turn to food so quickly.  I do not know when and how it started.  All I do know is that I want it to stop.

As I told my doctor, I work too damn hard at the gym to sabotage myself in the kitchen.

My doctor gave me a list of books to read that he thought would be helpful.  Right now I am reading "When Food is Love" by Geneen Roth.  We shall see if it helps in any way.

I also food prepped tonight.  This isn't all I made, but a glimpse at some of it.  I know without a doubt I can do this.  I want this, and I am willing to figure out the what and why of everything.  I need food to survive, but I do not need food for comfort, love, support or any other reason aside from survival.  I can get comfort, love, support and all other things from other avenues.  It's time to do that. 

 

Brussels Sprouts

Brussels sprouts are my favorite vegetable.  I love them so much.  So I thought I would share my recipe. 
First I trim the bottoms off of the washed brussels sprout.  Then I cut each one in half.  Next I peel as many of the outside leaves off as possible.  The reason I do this, is because as the loose leaves cook they turn very crispy (this is my favorite part).  I then place the the loose leaves on one side of a baking sheet and the rest of the vegetable on the other side.  I then drizzle olive oil on top and put a bit of garlic, salt, pepper and Ms. Dash on the vegetables.  I place the tray in the oven that is set at 350.  Depending on how many you have on your cookie sheet will depend on how long you have to cook them.  I normally do not have as many as I made tonight.  So typically I cook them for about 20 minutes.  I had a full sheet tonight and had to cook them for about 35 minutes.  You want to cook them until the loose leaves are "burnt" looking. 

Yum. Yum. Yum.

I Love Myself

I am very guilty of taking a lot of selfies.  A LOT.  I do not apologize for this.  I love myself.  I like to look at pictures of myself and compare it to older pictures of myself.  In a world where so many people hate the way they look, I believe firmly in celebrating when you think you look beautiful.  I was told growing up by people who I cared for deeply that I was fat or ugly..... and guess what?  I know I am not.  I love sharing my pictures on social media because I hope those people that tried to break me growing up see how happy I am.  I hope they see how beautiful I am.  And if they can't see that.... they can kiss my pretty butt :)  HA! 

With that all said, many people think I want to continue to lose weight because I want to be skinny.  I honestly have never even considered the fact that I could be categorized as skinny in my lifetime.  When I first started working out I said to myself, "If I get down to a size 18 I will be so happy."  Then that goal happened and I realized I wasn't where I wanted to be.  Now I realize I just want to be strong and healthy.  I love being in smaller clothes because I have more options available to me, but I honestly thrive and feel energized when I realize I can do things I used to not be able to do.  I have a lot of FAT on my body, but I also have a lot of freaking muscle that I love.

Starting at SETS Training and incorporating weights into my life has been a game changer.  I know I am stronger than I have been in my ENTIRE life.  I know that it is only going up from here.  Literally nothing is going to hold me back from getting stronger.  Not my knee, not my food issues, not my negative thoughts.  I will be successful.  A big shout out to my trainer Chad for really teaching me and showing me that I can do this.  By THIS I mean ANYTHING I want to do!  I will never give up.  I may cry.  I may pout.  I may scream.  BUT I WILL NOT GIVE UP!  EVER!

To those of you struggling with your weight or dealing with health issues... you can get through it.  You absolutely can start to change your life.  Find something you are passionate about and throw yourself into it.  The first step is the scariest, but if you find the right place(s) for you, you will be successful. 

I am BACK ... and a recap

I took a break from writing this blog because I was writing a blog for my gym.  I recently decided to stop writing that blog for various reasons and come back to this one.  Writing for Vent Fitness was an amazing experience.  I am so thankful to my gym for so many reasons.  I could go on and on forever about how much I have changed since joining Vent Fitness.  I am pretty sure I have covered my love for my gym in prior blog posts.  Not only have I lost weight since joining Vent Fitness, but I also gained so much confidence. 

I started my journey with Zumba.  I would go to a class or two a week until I thought I was ready for more.  Then I started going to Fit Energy.  This was the first time I opened up to someone about how much I weighed.  I emailed the owner and wanted to express before setting foot into the place that I was a large woman.  I do not know if I expected to get an email back saying "this isn't the place for you...." or what, but I just wanted to go in with no surprises.  I went to Fit Energy between 2 and 3 times a week.  Then I felt like I wanted/needed more.  Was I ready to join a gym that I could go to at any time? 

December of 2013 I joined Vent Fitness.  I liked it because they offered small group sessions which is what I felt I needed to ease my way into the gym.  I am forever thankful for the knowledge I gained while working out at Vent Fitness.  I learned so much about form, nutrition and how strong I truly was.  The trainers that took me under their wings taught me so much.  This fitness journey has been more emotional than words in a blog can express.  Having people who believed in me is one of the number one reasons I have been able to continue this path even when I didn't want to.  I am thankful for my trainer, Catrina who was my emotional rock during 2014.

I am currently still at Vent Fitness.  It is my comfort zone. 

Recently, I started training with a trainer outside of Vent Fitness.  I was ready for something new, a bigger challenge.... time to push my comfort zone.  I am now training with Chad at SETS Training and I have never in my life felt as strong as I do now.  The one area of the gym I never learned to be comfortable in was the weight section.  It was something I always wanted to do, but just felt as if I didn't belong.  Now, I am working with a trainer who pushes my comfort zone.  I am now weight training 3-4 days a week (depending on how many days I skip - - I am working on getting better at not skipping days). 

I do not know how much I currently weigh.  I am participating in the Vent Fitness Challenge, but I do not remember how much I weighed in at.  I can tell you I have gained weight.  My clothes are fitting better, but my weight went up significantly.  I promise it is not all muscle.  I still have food issues.  Those have not magically went away.  I am trying my hardest to be more open about my food issues, but it is HARD.  I know/admit now that I am an emotional eater.  I am an over eater and I am a binge eater.  I do not trust myself alone with food.  Sounds crazy to people who do not have an eating disorder, but it is very hard for someone who does have an eating disorder to be alone with food.  This is the first time I am saying out loud that I suffer from an eating disorder, because for me I always thought those that had eating disorders could only be classified as bulimic or anorexic; which is not true.  I do not suffer from either of those, but I do accept now that I suffer from an eating disorder.  I have tried my hardest to deal with his on my own.  I think I am finally ready to seek professional help for it.  It will be emotional to walk through the doors of a support group meeting, or admit to my doctor verbally.  For some reason it is easier for me to share struggles here... on the internet. 

So that's it in a nutshell.  I am hoping to soon add a YouTube channel to my blog.  Several people have asked if I would be interested in adding a video aspect to my blogging... so I may give it a try. 

For those reading this... thank you.  Thank you for being a part of my story. 

F You PCOS

I am having a ROUGH night.  Like crying alone on the couch night.  Nothing sparked this mood.  It came out of the blue.  I do not know how PCOS works in others lives, I only know what it does to mine.  Be warned, if you do not want to know about my very personal life... stop reading.  For me, PCOS shows it's ugly head in a few ways:

• I get cyst on my ovaries.  Sometimes they rupture.  It causes extreme pain. 
• I get facial hair.  Cute right.  It sucks.  I pluck EVERY day.  EVERY. DAMN.  DAY.  I hate having to worry about if someone touches my face if a random hair will be poking out.  I hate having to look at my face a million times a day in "just the right light...."  I hate it.
• I am insulin resistant and take medicine that makes me want to cry because it upsets my stomach SO BAD.
• I have to have a IUD (Mirena) or I have my period EVERY DAY.  That's right folks, without it I bleed EVERY. DAMN. DAY.
• The Mirena (IUD) is not in the right place.  So it dispenses the hormones, however it does not work as birth control.
• The medication I am on for the insulin resistance makes it "easier" for me to get pregnant.....
• DOWNFALL... It would more than likely result in a miscarriage because my lining is so thin.  FUN.
• My weight does not change easily.  I have been working out since August of 2013.  I have been working out pretty hard core for about a year..... I have lost 80+ pounds .... which I KNOW I KNOW.... it's a "great" number... but someone at my weight burning the amount of calories I do... should lose weight faster.
• I produce too much testosterone.  No, I am not a man (with a hairy chin and all my testosterone... I know it's hard to believe).  This makes me crazy at times.  My hormones are so freaking imbalanced.
• When I do have a menstrual cycle it feels like straight death. 
• I am losing my hair.  So.... I grow hair in places I do not want it.... and I lose it in places I want to keep it.  Fun.

A lot of people  think that PCOS is just a reproductive issue.  This is NOT true.  Even if the doctor removed my ovaries I would still suffer from PCOS.  Many doctors are leaning more towards the belief that it is a metabolic disease.  PCOS did not MAKE me overweight.  I did that.  I ate crappy food and didn't move my ass.  But NOW, it IS making my path to getting healthy much harder. 

So tonight, I am having a pity party for one.  Tomorrow I will be fine.  Tonight I want to punch PCOS in the fucking head.  No easier way to say it.  I know it could be much worse.  I am so extremely blessed with the life I have.... just tonight, I am mad.    It's real life folks.