What "they" don't tell fat people....

I am fat.  Let me just say that first.  Don't get bent out of shape when I say that about myself.  It is just an adjective that describes me, just as the words smart, beautiful and kind describe me.  I am also fat.  So, now that we have that out of the way... I want to talk about something that "they" don't tell fat people. 

When an obese or overweight person decides to lose weight and start living a healthier lifestyle, people don't tell that person that fitness can also be detrimental to your health.  Over the past few years I have watched fitness transform not only myself but some of my closest friends.  I have also watched it hurt some of my closest friends. 

How?  How can fitness and living a "healthier" lifestyle be harmful? 

First, I blame social media.  We find ourselves scrolling, comparing and wanting things or bodies that are not our own.  We find ourselves comparing someone else's path to our own, but we don't know the entire story -- so our comparisons are so unfair.  Another facet of social media is we use it to post our workouts, progress or food.... and we wait.  We wait to see how many people look at it, like it or comment.  And don't get me started on hashtags!  Not only can we post our #success stories, but now we can search the world for other #success stories.... and compare, compare, compare.  At the end of the night, this leaves many feeling defeated or not good enough.  Not to mention, it often leads to hours upon hours of comparing to your cousin's, friend's, babysitter's, uncle's "success" story.  WHY? 

Second, weight loss does not "heal" your issues.  Being fat is not your issue.  I promise.  Getting "skinny" will not make you feel better about whatever is hurting you.  Sure, you may like that you can wear certain clothes, you may like getting compliments, you may even feel more comfortable -- but if you don't figure out the mental side of weight loss ... I do not think you can find true happiness.  Sure, some exceptions exist out there -- but they are few and far between.  When an overweight person takes the first steps in weight loss, most people don't warn you of the mental side of it.  Fat people often believe if they "just lose weight" they will love themselves.  I have watched time and time again, often that does not work. 

Now, not all fat people hate themselves.  I am lucky that I love me.  I love all of me.  I want to lose weight first and foremost because I want to do activities that are next to impossible at my weight.  But I know at points in my life I thought if I just "lost weight" "everything" would be okay.  I am thankful for the 37 years I have had on this earth to realize that is not true. 

Third warning that is often not issued to those new to the fitness game is that it can become obsessive.  People don't warn that most people adapt the all or nothing mentality and beat themselves up over taking rest days or having a chocolate chip cookie. For example, when I was at my heaviest I didn't think twice about having an occasional cookie -- truth be told the "occasional cookie" is not what got me to 390 pounds -- the constant "occasional" cookie got me to 390 pounds.  The opposite happens often when adapting to a fitness lifestyle.  We often punish ourselves for having an occasional cookie.  We talk down to ourselves and obsess over it.  It is not a good place to be.

So, how do you find balance?  I think it is an art, and I think it takes a lot of work.  Fitness is an AMAZING part of my life, but it is NOT my life.  I will continue to post my progress photos, food photos, and sweaty selfies -- but I hope in doing so, I show people how you can be both fat and beautiful.  You can want to change the way you look, but still love the way you look during the entire process. 

If you are finding yourself having more "sad" days than "good" days... reevaluate.  Reevaluate EVERY DAMN DAY if you need to.  Don't be afraid of taking two steps back.  Sometimes we have to take a few steps back, slow down and reevaluate. 

Also, don't be afraid of being fat.  You are more than that.  You are beautiful.  You are strong and your are CAPABLE of it all.  Always, always, always LOVE YOURSELF.  You are perfect.