When I die, I hope that the words people say about me are "She lived." It's that simple. I want to really live.
What does "she lived" mean to me? To me, it means loving my friends deeply, traveling and making a life with Rob that I can be proud of. Many people I know have questioned so many of the things in my life that often leave me dumbfounded. For instance, Rob and I rarely exchange gifts; I don't own a single piece of "real" jewelry outside of a ring from my grandmother, I don't drive a fancy car and we live in a very modest home. In exchange for those things I get to truly live life. I don't spend my hours cleaning my home (although I could spend more time doing this), I don't worry about how the car payment is going to be made, and I enjoy life EVERY DAMN DAY. How? I prioritize the things in life that I truly believe will matter in my last breath. Family, friends, and memories. That means more to me than any material thing you could ever place in my life.
On average, once a week someone says to me "I am jealous of all of the trips you take..." and my simple response -- why don't you do it? Most of the things I do are not extremely costly (minus NKOTB -- they will suck you dry LOL).... Put down your designer bags, clothes and jewelry and GO LIVE.
Above all, don't let ANYTHING hold you back. Your childhood, your past decisions, your past mistakes.... let go. Go LIVE! Surround yourself with the right people, work hard and make things happen. If you don't like your job, change it. If you don't like your friends, change them. If people hurt you, let them go. Don't waste time on the things and people that don't bring your joy.
Monday, July 24, 2017
Monday, April 3, 2017
What "they" don't tell fat people....
I am fat. Let me just say that first. Don't get bent out of shape when I say that about myself. It is just an adjective that describes me, just as the words smart, beautiful and kind describe me. I am also fat. So, now that we have that out of the way... I want to talk about something that "they" don't tell fat people.
When an obese or overweight person decides to lose weight and start living a healthier lifestyle, people don't tell that person that fitness can also be detrimental to your health. Over the past few years I have watched fitness transform not only myself but some of my closest friends. I have also watched it hurt some of my closest friends.
How? How can fitness and living a "healthier" lifestyle be harmful?
First, I blame social media. We find ourselves scrolling, comparing and wanting things or bodies that are not our own. We find ourselves comparing someone else's path to our own, but we don't know the entire story -- so our comparisons are so unfair. Another facet of social media is we use it to post our workouts, progress or food.... and we wait. We wait to see how many people look at it, like it or comment. And don't get me started on hashtags! Not only can we post our #success stories, but now we can search the world for other #success stories.... and compare, compare, compare. At the end of the night, this leaves many feeling defeated or not good enough. Not to mention, it often leads to hours upon hours of comparing to your cousin's, friend's, babysitter's, uncle's "success" story. WHY?
Second, weight loss does not "heal" your issues. Being fat is not your issue. I promise. Getting "skinny" will not make you feel better about whatever is hurting you. Sure, you may like that you can wear certain clothes, you may like getting compliments, you may even feel more comfortable -- but if you don't figure out the mental side of weight loss ... I do not think you can find true happiness. Sure, some exceptions exist out there -- but they are few and far between. When an overweight person takes the first steps in weight loss, most people don't warn you of the mental side of it. Fat people often believe if they "just lose weight" they will love themselves. I have watched time and time again, often that does not work.
Now, not all fat people hate themselves. I am lucky that I love me. I love all of me. I want to lose weight first and foremost because I want to do activities that are next to impossible at my weight. But I know at points in my life I thought if I just "lost weight" "everything" would be okay. I am thankful for the 37 years I have had on this earth to realize that is not true.
Third warning that is often not issued to those new to the fitness game is that it can become obsessive. People don't warn that most people adapt the all or nothing mentality and beat themselves up over taking rest days or having a chocolate chip cookie. For example, when I was at my heaviest I didn't think twice about having an occasional cookie -- truth be told the "occasional cookie" is not what got me to 390 pounds -- the constant "occasional" cookie got me to 390 pounds. The opposite happens often when adapting to a fitness lifestyle. We often punish ourselves for having an occasional cookie. We talk down to ourselves and obsess over it. It is not a good place to be.
So, how do you find balance? I think it is an art, and I think it takes a lot of work. Fitness is an AMAZING part of my life, but it is NOT my life. I will continue to post my progress photos, food photos, and sweaty selfies -- but I hope in doing so, I show people how you can be both fat and beautiful. You can want to change the way you look, but still love the way you look during the entire process.
If you are finding yourself having more "sad" days than "good" days... reevaluate. Reevaluate EVERY DAMN DAY if you need to. Don't be afraid of taking two steps back. Sometimes we have to take a few steps back, slow down and reevaluate.
Also, don't be afraid of being fat. You are more than that. You are beautiful. You are strong and your are CAPABLE of it all. Always, always, always LOVE YOURSELF. You are perfect.
When an obese or overweight person decides to lose weight and start living a healthier lifestyle, people don't tell that person that fitness can also be detrimental to your health. Over the past few years I have watched fitness transform not only myself but some of my closest friends. I have also watched it hurt some of my closest friends.
How? How can fitness and living a "healthier" lifestyle be harmful?
First, I blame social media. We find ourselves scrolling, comparing and wanting things or bodies that are not our own. We find ourselves comparing someone else's path to our own, but we don't know the entire story -- so our comparisons are so unfair. Another facet of social media is we use it to post our workouts, progress or food.... and we wait. We wait to see how many people look at it, like it or comment. And don't get me started on hashtags! Not only can we post our #success stories, but now we can search the world for other #success stories.... and compare, compare, compare. At the end of the night, this leaves many feeling defeated or not good enough. Not to mention, it often leads to hours upon hours of comparing to your cousin's, friend's, babysitter's, uncle's "success" story. WHY?
Second, weight loss does not "heal" your issues. Being fat is not your issue. I promise. Getting "skinny" will not make you feel better about whatever is hurting you. Sure, you may like that you can wear certain clothes, you may like getting compliments, you may even feel more comfortable -- but if you don't figure out the mental side of weight loss ... I do not think you can find true happiness. Sure, some exceptions exist out there -- but they are few and far between. When an overweight person takes the first steps in weight loss, most people don't warn you of the mental side of it. Fat people often believe if they "just lose weight" they will love themselves. I have watched time and time again, often that does not work.
Now, not all fat people hate themselves. I am lucky that I love me. I love all of me. I want to lose weight first and foremost because I want to do activities that are next to impossible at my weight. But I know at points in my life I thought if I just "lost weight" "everything" would be okay. I am thankful for the 37 years I have had on this earth to realize that is not true.
Third warning that is often not issued to those new to the fitness game is that it can become obsessive. People don't warn that most people adapt the all or nothing mentality and beat themselves up over taking rest days or having a chocolate chip cookie. For example, when I was at my heaviest I didn't think twice about having an occasional cookie -- truth be told the "occasional cookie" is not what got me to 390 pounds -- the constant "occasional" cookie got me to 390 pounds. The opposite happens often when adapting to a fitness lifestyle. We often punish ourselves for having an occasional cookie. We talk down to ourselves and obsess over it. It is not a good place to be.
So, how do you find balance? I think it is an art, and I think it takes a lot of work. Fitness is an AMAZING part of my life, but it is NOT my life. I will continue to post my progress photos, food photos, and sweaty selfies -- but I hope in doing so, I show people how you can be both fat and beautiful. You can want to change the way you look, but still love the way you look during the entire process.
If you are finding yourself having more "sad" days than "good" days... reevaluate. Reevaluate EVERY DAMN DAY if you need to. Don't be afraid of taking two steps back. Sometimes we have to take a few steps back, slow down and reevaluate.
Also, don't be afraid of being fat. You are more than that. You are beautiful. You are strong and your are CAPABLE of it all. Always, always, always LOVE YOURSELF. You are perfect.
Friday, March 17, 2017
Two Month Check-In
We are two months in with the Vent Fitness Reinvent Challenge. This is the most dedicated I have ever been to a challenge I have participated in. I can't pinpoint what is different this time except desire. I think when you truly have a food addiction it takes a long time to find a place where you can truly accept change. Over the past three years I have slowly accepted change.
One thing that I think really helped me was photo journaling all of my food. It's not only helped me stay on track with accountability -- but it's allowed me to look back and see what I was eating when I was losing more or less weight.
I have started cooking more and more and actually enjoying it. This is big for me, because honestly Rob has really cooked for me 90% of the time over the past ten years. I have stopped eating certain foods, like cheese that I think are truly a trigger for me when it comes to binge eating. I am not saying I will never eat another bite of cheese, but I am surviving just fine without it. I have started eating more seafood -- and LOVING it.
What I am not doing is starving myself. I am not binge eating -- I honestly do not remember the last time I did binge. This almost takes my breath away, because before this challenge -- I was binge eating several times a week.
I am down 20 pounds. I am hoping to lose 10 more before the challenge is over. My original goal for this challenge was to lose 50 pounds and my biggest reason was to "win" the challenge. I now have come to realize, winning the challenge would be amazing -- but I am now winning my life back. Although I have been on this journey for some time now, before I viewed it as punishment. Don't get me wrong, I still have bad days. I still have cravings. BUT, I am winning. I am also getting better and better about not having those cravings so much.
For anyone reading this who is on the verge of making a healthier choice -- DO IT! Two months ago when this all started, I still had reservations of whether I would stick to this way of eating or not. Now, I know that even after the challenge this is doable. My life is so much more than these twelve weeks -- but these 12 weeks taught me so much about myself. I can do this. I will do this. I am doing this.
One thing that I think really helped me was photo journaling all of my food. It's not only helped me stay on track with accountability -- but it's allowed me to look back and see what I was eating when I was losing more or less weight.
I have started cooking more and more and actually enjoying it. This is big for me, because honestly Rob has really cooked for me 90% of the time over the past ten years. I have stopped eating certain foods, like cheese that I think are truly a trigger for me when it comes to binge eating. I am not saying I will never eat another bite of cheese, but I am surviving just fine without it. I have started eating more seafood -- and LOVING it.
What I am not doing is starving myself. I am not binge eating -- I honestly do not remember the last time I did binge. This almost takes my breath away, because before this challenge -- I was binge eating several times a week.
I am down 20 pounds. I am hoping to lose 10 more before the challenge is over. My original goal for this challenge was to lose 50 pounds and my biggest reason was to "win" the challenge. I now have come to realize, winning the challenge would be amazing -- but I am now winning my life back. Although I have been on this journey for some time now, before I viewed it as punishment. Don't get me wrong, I still have bad days. I still have cravings. BUT, I am winning. I am also getting better and better about not having those cravings so much.
For anyone reading this who is on the verge of making a healthier choice -- DO IT! Two months ago when this all started, I still had reservations of whether I would stick to this way of eating or not. Now, I know that even after the challenge this is doable. My life is so much more than these twelve weeks -- but these 12 weeks taught me so much about myself. I can do this. I will do this. I am doing this.
Tuesday, March 7, 2017
My Morning Crew
Typically in my blog I write about my successes and struggles of weight loss; today is different. Today, for the first week day since I moved to New York -- I woke up to my favorite two people not being on the radio. I can hear people saying right now, "it's just a radio station.... what's the big deal?"
When I first moved here, I had ZERO local friends. I spent a lot of time shopping and a lot of time driving around. I have always been a fan of music in general, so I found myself naturally listening to the radio. I remember coming home at times and telling Rob stories about the radio personalities, as if they were long-lost friends. I had a special love for the morning show. I remember around 2009ish when Jim left and I was crushed. After all, these were "my people." I felt like I lost a friend. I continued to listen to Brian and Chrissy, and after a while -- got used to the trio now being a duo.
I can honestly say in the past 9 years, I have probably only missed 50 shows. I remember Rob even bought me a shower radio, so I wouldn't miss anything while I was getting ready for work. The addition of Jess to the mix was an added bonus. I love making fun of her hatred for pie crust and chips, and look forward for her humorous stories.
Eventually I bonded with Brian and Chrissy on an actual personal level. I now consider them friends. They have supported my weight loss journey on a level that I can never express enough gratitude for. They have supported (or made fun of) my love of New Kids on the Block to the point where I think every person in the Albany area knows of my obsession.
I felt such a mixture of emotions today. You would have truly thought I was personally going through a major change in life. I cannot imagine how they must feel today. Social media is both a blessing and a curse. Everyone feels free to express opinions and not think of the consequences of what they are saying. I found myself pouring through social media comments and wanting to respond to each one personally..... but, I thought I may be better off not to start a Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, blogging war. HA! You can't make everyone happy -- you never will, but I have NO doubt this trio will continue to do GREAT things in radio, the community and in life!
I look forward to Brian talking about Brody, Sam, Poker Joe, casinos, Papa Codes and continuing to make fun of Luke Bryan (FYI -- I LOVE country music and I LOVE to make fun of Luke Bryan -- it's totally allowed and expected)!
I look forward to Chrissy talking about Jen, Ryan, Freddie, Disney, Nana, eggplant parm, and family. From day one, I knew that Chrissy was my "spirit animal!"
Jess, you keep on top of these two and continue to do amazing things. My goal in life is to find a pie crust you love. Above all, I never want any of you to doubt how talented you are.
I am excited for the future of these friends. When one door closes, another opens. I believe that with all my heart.
Thursday, February 23, 2017
"Keep an Eye on your Weight"
So, I went to the doctor today for some issues I am having with my foot. This is a doctor I have only been to once since I have rarely had issues with my feet. When I got there, they asked if they could weigh me... I said, "sure." I am not one to really care if people know how much I weigh. I then went into the room -- the nurse took my blood pressure... all the "regular" stuff. Then the doctor came in. Let me first say, I really like this doctor -- she went through my file then said, "Your blood pressure looks great, but you really need to keep an eye on your weight." 😳
I literally wanted to be like, "ohhhh realllllly??????????" I get that she was just doing "her job," and again, I really do like her -- but I almost unleashed all my frustrations on her. I AM keeping an eye on it. I am more than keeping an eye on it... I am obsessed with it. I am working out. I am eating "right." WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME??????????????????? I know she is not a mind reader--but SERIOUSLY. Today was one of those days I wanted to really just be like -- F it ALL!
On a side note, I probably will need surgery on both of my feet. On top of my much needed knee replacement, today has left me feeling a little crazy.
But... at the end of the day, I will just "keep an eye on my weight........................................"
HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I literally wanted to be like, "ohhhh realllllly??????????" I get that she was just doing "her job," and again, I really do like her -- but I almost unleashed all my frustrations on her. I AM keeping an eye on it. I am more than keeping an eye on it... I am obsessed with it. I am working out. I am eating "right." WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME??????????????????? I know she is not a mind reader--but SERIOUSLY. Today was one of those days I wanted to really just be like -- F it ALL!
On a side note, I probably will need surgery on both of my feet. On top of my much needed knee replacement, today has left me feeling a little crazy.
But... at the end of the day, I will just "keep an eye on my weight........................................"
HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, February 9, 2017
You are Worth It
It's taken me three years to fully embrace changing my lifestyle. Sure, I made gradual changes over time -- but I did not fully embrace true change. I adjusted my food ... but was mad about it. I worked out more, but complained about it. I went through the motions and I was happy with the results -- but part of me knew this was not working for me. And now I fully know THIS is why I have been in a slump lately with losing weight. I saw everything I did as a chore and a short-term answer when it came to food.
I wish I could pin-point exactly what has changed with me.I feel like a new person. Strike that, I AM a new person. I have done about a million Vent Fitness Challenges (maybe a SLIGHT exaggeration), but this is the first time I am truly loving it. I am looking forward to pushing myself, because I have ACCEPTED that I am going to give this my all and ENJOY it. GASP! I know! This is about more than the challenge. I am not counting down the days until I eat cookies, pizza and macaroni and cheese. Sure, those things taste delicious to me -- but they do NOT run my life any longer.
I am finding enjoyment in cooking (something I haven't really done for myself in TEN years); I am learning to truly fuel my body. I am learning that my journey is different than every other person I know or on IG, Facebook or any other social media outlet. I am learning not to compare (this one is hard). I am learning that if you don't find internal peace -- the weight loss will not change a thing. I love me today, just like I loved me when I was nearly 400 pounds -- and I will LOVE myself as I lose weight, because I am a good person, beautiful, strong and caring - regardless of that number on the scale. I am learning that my goals are not the same as others - and that is okay. I am learning that I know what is best for me, but I still need advice. I am learning that stress is not fixed by food. I am learning that it's okay to sleep in and skip a work out -- AND it won't ruin the progress I have made. I am learning that I am capable of more than I ever thought. I am learning that skinny does not equal healthy nor does it equal strong -- I am those things NOW -- but I want to keep it that way, and that DOES mean I need to lose weight.
Honestly, I wish I knew what clicked.... because I don't ever want to change this feeling. I cannot imagine food having the power it had over me before. Trust me when I say, all of the foods that got me to nearly 400 pounds still taste good to me; BUT, they are not worth the happiness I have INSIDE me now. I will eat those foods from time to time in my life, but right now I am not ready. They honestly sound unappetizing to me right now -- but I am sure that will change. BUT, when I am ready to "indulge," it will be for a brief moment and a small amount. I will never be the girl that eats in hiding again. 2017 has been the best year of my personal life when it comes to truly getting to the bottom of my obesity and what got me here. I am ready to move on. And that is simply amazing.
Whether I win this challenge or not -- you will see a different person at week 12 than you do right now at week 4. I am learning more and more about myself EVERY day, and I love it.
You are worth the change you make in life. You are more than FOOD. Your are more than the number on the scale. You are beautiful. You are amazing. You are WORTH IT!
I wish I could pin-point exactly what has changed with me.
I am finding enjoyment in cooking (something I haven't really done for myself in TEN years); I am learning to truly fuel my body. I am learning that my journey is different than every other person I know or on IG, Facebook or any other social media outlet. I am learning not to compare (this one is hard). I am learning that if you don't find internal peace -- the weight loss will not change a thing. I love me today, just like I loved me when I was nearly 400 pounds -- and I will LOVE myself as I lose weight, because I am a good person, beautiful, strong and caring - regardless of that number on the scale. I am learning that my goals are not the same as others - and that is okay. I am learning that I know what is best for me, but I still need advice. I am learning that stress is not fixed by food. I am learning that it's okay to sleep in and skip a work out -- AND it won't ruin the progress I have made. I am learning that I am capable of more than I ever thought. I am learning that skinny does not equal healthy nor does it equal strong -- I am those things NOW -- but I want to keep it that way, and that DOES mean I need to lose weight.
Honestly, I wish I knew what clicked.... because I don't ever want to change this feeling. I cannot imagine food having the power it had over me before. Trust me when I say, all of the foods that got me to nearly 400 pounds still taste good to me; BUT, they are not worth the happiness I have INSIDE me now. I will eat those foods from time to time in my life, but right now I am not ready. They honestly sound unappetizing to me right now -- but I am sure that will change. BUT, when I am ready to "indulge," it will be for a brief moment and a small amount. I will never be the girl that eats in hiding again. 2017 has been the best year of my personal life when it comes to truly getting to the bottom of my obesity and what got me here. I am ready to move on. And that is simply amazing.
Whether I win this challenge or not -- you will see a different person at week 12 than you do right now at week 4. I am learning more and more about myself EVERY day, and I love it.
You are worth the change you make in life. You are more than FOOD. Your are more than the number on the scale. You are beautiful. You are amazing. You are WORTH IT!
Saturday, January 21, 2017
Drug of Choice
I all but gave up on this blog. I all but gave up on losing more weight. 2016 was not the best year for me with my weight loss journey. Although I like to say it all happened after I went on vacation in October, truthfully I was not as committed in 2016 as I had been. I achieved almost 100 pounds lost -- and literally creeped back up over the past year. I weighed in for the 2017 Vent Fitness Challenge this month up 46 pounds from my lowest weight. It's crazy to even write those words, because right now...as I type this, I am in a better place mentally than I have been in a LONG time.
When I started this entire "get healthy" venture, I really only focused on moving my body more. It helped tremendously. I found things I loved and was able to rule out things that just were not for me (let's just say Namaste is not my thing). In that time I met great people who supported me, and truth be told a couple of people I have met in this process are now what I consider best friends.
Along this path, several people have planted seeds of information in me about nutrition. I would listen, and maybe even "try" it out for a bit. But it would be short lived. Looking back, I can see why. I used food as my comfort. I got lost in my food. If I had a good day -- food was there. If I had a bad day, guess what -- food was there. Food is my drug. Let that truly sink in. Something I need every day is something I cannot be trusted with.
I recently attended a forum where a guest speaker spoke about his experience in long term recovery. When I say the words "long term recovery," most people think of substance abuse. I know I did. But his words hit me so hard. He said something along the lines that an addict will think of a million reasons that they shouldn't do something, but can make one excuse as to why they should, and immediately they have made the decision that those other million reasons do not matter. Even if one of the reasons that an addict doesn't want to do something is that the outcome could be death. He also spoke about how he as an addict always said, "this is the last time," or "on Monday I will stop." Say what.......................................................................... THIS IS MY LIFE. Just my drug of choice is not illegal.
My drug of choice is available in reaching distance every minute of my life. I face my drug of choice every time I walk into a store, a friend's home, my home, and the gym. My drug of choice is food. Now, many of you may be thinking that I am crazy, but I promise you I am not. This isn't about overeating. This isn't about having one more brownie than you should. I wake up thinking about it and I go to bed thinking about it. I will do anything to get my fix. I will lie, I will hide and I will hide the evidence. I can't tell you in my lifetime how many times I have been through a drive-thru and ordered my food with two drinks -- because I didn't want anyone to think the food was for just me. How many times have I eaten before going somewhere where I knew food would be provided? How many times have I eaten until I physically was ill. And I always had excuses:
When I started this entire "get healthy" venture, I really only focused on moving my body more. It helped tremendously. I found things I loved and was able to rule out things that just were not for me (let's just say Namaste is not my thing). In that time I met great people who supported me, and truth be told a couple of people I have met in this process are now what I consider best friends.
Along this path, several people have planted seeds of information in me about nutrition. I would listen, and maybe even "try" it out for a bit. But it would be short lived. Looking back, I can see why. I used food as my comfort. I got lost in my food. If I had a good day -- food was there. If I had a bad day, guess what -- food was there. Food is my drug. Let that truly sink in. Something I need every day is something I cannot be trusted with.
I recently attended a forum where a guest speaker spoke about his experience in long term recovery. When I say the words "long term recovery," most people think of substance abuse. I know I did. But his words hit me so hard. He said something along the lines that an addict will think of a million reasons that they shouldn't do something, but can make one excuse as to why they should, and immediately they have made the decision that those other million reasons do not matter. Even if one of the reasons that an addict doesn't want to do something is that the outcome could be death. He also spoke about how he as an addict always said, "this is the last time," or "on Monday I will stop." Say what.......................................................................... THIS IS MY LIFE. Just my drug of choice is not illegal.
My drug of choice is available in reaching distance every minute of my life. I face my drug of choice every time I walk into a store, a friend's home, my home, and the gym. My drug of choice is food. Now, many of you may be thinking that I am crazy, but I promise you I am not. This isn't about overeating. This isn't about having one more brownie than you should. I wake up thinking about it and I go to bed thinking about it. I will do anything to get my fix. I will lie, I will hide and I will hide the evidence. I can't tell you in my lifetime how many times I have been through a drive-thru and ordered my food with two drinks -- because I didn't want anyone to think the food was for just me. How many times have I eaten before going somewhere where I knew food would be provided? How many times have I eaten until I physically was ill. And I always had excuses:
- I've been working hard... I deserve this.
- This is just a treat.
- I'm only eating this one last time.
- It's not that much food.
- Tomorrow will be better.
- No one will know.
- It's just food.
- I'll exercise more tomorrow.
I could go on and on. But, if you have ever talked to someone who had a substance abuse issue -- the excuses are all the same.
I am thankful the gym allowed me to halt the weight gain, but I cannot believe how hard I worked in the gym and what "little" results I got. Some may say "100 pounds is not a little," but trust me when I say, if I wasn't binge eating in the time I was at the gym, my results would be completely different.
Something in December hit me like a ton of bricks. I do not need food to comfort me. I do not need food to be my friend. I have WONDERFUL supports. My family, friends, co-workers, and gym acquaintances offer more comfort to me than I will ever find in food. I deserve better in life, and I cannot continue to make excuses. I love pizza. I love cheeseburgers. I love macaroni and cheese, but I cannot be trusted with them. I cannot have just a little and walk away. And, I have to be okay with that. Maybe one day I can eat these types of foods in moderation, but today is not that day.
So, since the start of the year I have been cooking more (I know, I am shocked too). The food has been good. But, it's food that nourishes my body. I do not eat and feel bad afterwards. I do not eat and have stomach aches. I eat for what I am planning on doing that day. I am also tracking and weighing all of my food. I am not estimating what I think a portion is. I am eating an actual portion. And I am more than surviving. I have NEVER felt better. I have survived without CHEESE and didn't even realize it. I still eat delicious food. But food is not my comfort any longer.
So, I am telling the world right now, I will not be stopped. Do not stand in my way.
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