Hello out there. It has been a LONG time since I blogged. To be honest, I feel like when I am not losing weight I do not know what to write about on here.
I am STILL 300ish pounds. Lord, I never thought I would be writing this over and over and over again. BUT, with that being said -- I am in such a great place mentally right now! I am now back at SETS 4x a week. I honestly think that going there makes such a difference in my mentality of this entire lifestyle. I love working out and love the feeling I have of knowing I am getting stronger -- but as you all know my true struggle is food. Having a trainer to really invest time in not just your workouts and abilities, but also your food is INVALUABLE to me at this time.
Let me be completely honest and transparent with you all right now. You do not get to 300 pounds -- or stuck at 300 pounds by making healthy choices. I can focus for a week at a time ... then just find myself back in a "dark" place with food. I talk to professionals about my relationship with food, but I also know how to manipulate my conversations with them to take the responsibility off of me. With Chad it is different. I feel comfortable enough to allow my walls of shame, guilt and just plain craziness down. I do not know why I have the relationship I do with food, nor do I think I will ever know the true reasons. Food addiction is something that I think is so overlooked in our society -- and something that so many people OBVIOUSLY struggle with.
Two years ago when I finally "snapped" and said enough was enough, I don't think I really thought I could "do it." But I am doing it. I am making better choices, I am learning, I am trying... and I am not giving up. I know what needs to be done and I know that at the end of the day I HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO DO THIS.... this is not a goal/achievement that anyone else can do for me. When you want to lose weight, work out and eat healthy YOU alone are responsible. If I can say I have learned one thing out of all of this it is: It's not a game you can play part-time. If you want true success it is a 24/7 job. You can surround yourself with people who have similar goals, people who will encourage you and people who will support you -- but at the end of the day YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE for your own results. END OF STORY. No excuses. No whining. No blaming. No giving up when you don't lose 298475498572 pounds in one week. It's day in... day out.... get up early... go to bed late... prep your food, turn down food.... walk away from those who don't support you.... that kind of commitment. This is not a game. This is life. This is about living it and learning to do it the healthiest way you can accept as your reality. This doesn't mean you cannot ever have pizza... it means being honest about the reality of how many times you are "treating" yourself. This is honestly about taking RESPONSIBILITY for your own actions or lack of.
I am journal recording my food again, and so far that has kept me on track.
So for now, I am good. We will see where this takes me. I am taking responsibility though. No one can fix this but me. So, with that said.... let's GO! XOXO
