Obviously, I haven't blogged in quite some time. I have not been in a good place yet again with this whole healthy lifestyle thing. I got very overwhelmed in the all or nothing attitude and next thing I know I am slipping back into my old ways.
This past week has been good. I have upped my cardio and watched religiously what I am eating. I am now taking pictures of everything I eat before I eat it... because believe it or not, my mind will quickly fall into the thought process of "if no one knows about it... it didn't happen..." Which I realize as a rational person that is not logical; but in the moment it is a completely rational thought.
I will keep trying different ways of mentally dealing with this struggle until I really overcome this addiction. For those of you reading this that do not struggle with food addiction I know it is hard to wrap your head around. At times it feels like insanity knowing you are addicted to something that you need to survive. It is finding the balance of getting enough nutrition without giving into the urge to just eat. Finding words to describe how maddening that can be is hard. When I talk to others who binge eat, they get it. It is so much more common that people realize. You do not have to be 300 pounds to suffer from this. I have friends who are thin or average size who suffer from binge eating disorder. It really is everywhere.
I am currently trying to focus on dates and having goals for those dates. I am hoping that will help me. First date is May 11. I have two doctor appointments that day. I want to lose as much weight as possible by then. The big date is October though. That is when the NKOTB cruise is, and I will be filing to NOLA. My goal is to fly without using the seat belt extender. I do not know how much weight I need to lose in order for that to happen, but that is my goal.
Right now I am doing mostly Strike classes and cardio. I will incorporate some other Vent classes back into my schedule, but right now this is the focus. I want to have fun with my workouts again, and I want to have something I enjoy doing. Outside of boxing I know I love lifting weights. I still have not found the comfort level of doing that on my own yet. Every time I am at the gym I have the thought, "I can do it... I can be down there with everyone else..." but then I look and it is SO CROWDED that it gives me anxiety. The other gym that I am a member at has way less people, but it is so much further away. I have to figure out what my next steps are and find the passion I once had (outside of boxing).
This blog is kind of all over the place, because honestly that is how my brain is working with fitness/health right now. ALL OVER THE PLACE.
Since my last blog, I have added two more weigh ins. As you can see.... it quickly went back up to over 300 pounds. I still can't believe I am still struggling at this weight. I thought when I first hit 299 that the hard part was over. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.
I can promise you this, I will never give up. Never.
12/29/15 - 300 pounds
01/03/16 - 294 pounds
01/10/16 - 294 pounds
01/17/16 - 292 pounds
01/24/16 - 293 pounds
1/31/16 - 291 pounds
2/14/16 - 287 pounds
4/22/16 - 303 pounds
4/29/16 - 294 pounds
