I Love Myself

I am very guilty of taking a lot of selfies.  A LOT.  I do not apologize for this.  I love myself.  I like to look at pictures of myself and compare it to older pictures of myself.  In a world where so many people hate the way they look, I believe firmly in celebrating when you think you look beautiful.  I was told growing up by people who I cared for deeply that I was fat or ugly..... and guess what?  I know I am not.  I love sharing my pictures on social media because I hope those people that tried to break me growing up see how happy I am.  I hope they see how beautiful I am.  And if they can't see that.... they can kiss my pretty butt :)  HA! 

With that all said, many people think I want to continue to lose weight because I want to be skinny.  I honestly have never even considered the fact that I could be categorized as skinny in my lifetime.  When I first started working out I said to myself, "If I get down to a size 18 I will be so happy."  Then that goal happened and I realized I wasn't where I wanted to be.  Now I realize I just want to be strong and healthy.  I love being in smaller clothes because I have more options available to me, but I honestly thrive and feel energized when I realize I can do things I used to not be able to do.  I have a lot of FAT on my body, but I also have a lot of freaking muscle that I love.

Starting at SETS Training and incorporating weights into my life has been a game changer.  I know I am stronger than I have been in my ENTIRE life.  I know that it is only going up from here.  Literally nothing is going to hold me back from getting stronger.  Not my knee, not my food issues, not my negative thoughts.  I will be successful.  A big shout out to my trainer Chad for really teaching me and showing me that I can do this.  By THIS I mean ANYTHING I want to do!  I will never give up.  I may cry.  I may pout.  I may scream.  BUT I WILL NOT GIVE UP!  EVER!

To those of you struggling with your weight or dealing with health issues... you can get through it.  You absolutely can start to change your life.  Find something you are passionate about and throw yourself into it.  The first step is the scariest, but if you find the right place(s) for you, you will be successful. 

I am BACK ... and a recap

I took a break from writing this blog because I was writing a blog for my gym.  I recently decided to stop writing that blog for various reasons and come back to this one.  Writing for Vent Fitness was an amazing experience.  I am so thankful to my gym for so many reasons.  I could go on and on forever about how much I have changed since joining Vent Fitness.  I am pretty sure I have covered my love for my gym in prior blog posts.  Not only have I lost weight since joining Vent Fitness, but I also gained so much confidence. 

I started my journey with Zumba.  I would go to a class or two a week until I thought I was ready for more.  Then I started going to Fit Energy.  This was the first time I opened up to someone about how much I weighed.  I emailed the owner and wanted to express before setting foot into the place that I was a large woman.  I do not know if I expected to get an email back saying "this isn't the place for you...." or what, but I just wanted to go in with no surprises.  I went to Fit Energy between 2 and 3 times a week.  Then I felt like I wanted/needed more.  Was I ready to join a gym that I could go to at any time? 

December of 2013 I joined Vent Fitness.  I liked it because they offered small group sessions which is what I felt I needed to ease my way into the gym.  I am forever thankful for the knowledge I gained while working out at Vent Fitness.  I learned so much about form, nutrition and how strong I truly was.  The trainers that took me under their wings taught me so much.  This fitness journey has been more emotional than words in a blog can express.  Having people who believed in me is one of the number one reasons I have been able to continue this path even when I didn't want to.  I am thankful for my trainer, Catrina who was my emotional rock during 2014.

I am currently still at Vent Fitness.  It is my comfort zone. 

Recently, I started training with a trainer outside of Vent Fitness.  I was ready for something new, a bigger challenge.... time to push my comfort zone.  I am now training with Chad at SETS Training and I have never in my life felt as strong as I do now.  The one area of the gym I never learned to be comfortable in was the weight section.  It was something I always wanted to do, but just felt as if I didn't belong.  Now, I am working with a trainer who pushes my comfort zone.  I am now weight training 3-4 days a week (depending on how many days I skip - - I am working on getting better at not skipping days). 

I do not know how much I currently weigh.  I am participating in the Vent Fitness Challenge, but I do not remember how much I weighed in at.  I can tell you I have gained weight.  My clothes are fitting better, but my weight went up significantly.  I promise it is not all muscle.  I still have food issues.  Those have not magically went away.  I am trying my hardest to be more open about my food issues, but it is HARD.  I know/admit now that I am an emotional eater.  I am an over eater and I am a binge eater.  I do not trust myself alone with food.  Sounds crazy to people who do not have an eating disorder, but it is very hard for someone who does have an eating disorder to be alone with food.  This is the first time I am saying out loud that I suffer from an eating disorder, because for me I always thought those that had eating disorders could only be classified as bulimic or anorexic; which is not true.  I do not suffer from either of those, but I do accept now that I suffer from an eating disorder.  I have tried my hardest to deal with his on my own.  I think I am finally ready to seek professional help for it.  It will be emotional to walk through the doors of a support group meeting, or admit to my doctor verbally.  For some reason it is easier for me to share struggles here... on the internet. 

So that's it in a nutshell.  I am hoping to soon add a YouTube channel to my blog.  Several people have asked if I would be interested in adding a video aspect to my blogging... so I may give it a try. 

For those reading this... thank you.  Thank you for being a part of my story.